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Ecclesiastes 2:26 |
For God giveth to a man that is good in his sight - wisdom, knowledge, and joy. |
A very popular and profound quote that one hears quite often is that God giveth and God taketh away. If you’re a spiritual person - that’s probably a very true statement.
If you believe that – then God gave me my friend Dalila. Then Dalila gave me my friend John. Then together, they gave me my friend Matthew. Now somehow, for some reason, God has taken Matthew away.
I don’t understand it. No one does. Why one child over another? Why Matthew?
Once I was talking with one of my aunts about Matthew and questioning the philosophy behind all the unanswered questions. She gave me a nice thought. She said there are lots of questions like that to be filed away until I can ask God myself. That comment reminded me of my childhood. When I was a little girl, one of my favorite children’s church hymns was “Tell me the stories of Jesus”. The 1st verse of the song is “Tell me the stories of Jesus I want to hear. Things I would ask him to tell me if he were here”.
So what kind of questions would I ask God and Jesus? I suppose I’d ask why he takes the people we love from us. Then I’d ask how he chooses them.
I wouldn’t expect to like any answer they give. How could I? There is no reason in the world valid enough to take that baby from his mother, father, family and friends.
Whenever tragedy strikes, I waiver in my belief. Why? Why? Why? The question just keeps screaming in my head.
Then I revert back again to my childhood and the things that have been instilled in me since birth. Trust God. Have faith. Believe in the Holy Spirit. Remember the rewards of heaven.
Then I think whatever his reason, it must be ok. That is the only way I can remain at Peace.
I remind myself to think of the positives, not the negatives.
For most of us, we had Matthew for 21 months. Dalila and John had him for 9 more than that. They rubbed her belly, and spoke to him while he grew in her womb. They promised him life and love and then they delivered on those promises.
This child has had more love in his short life than some people see in a lifetime. Not only from his parents, family and friends, but from complete strangers. Everyone loves Matthew. His smile and dimples, his fighting spirit and his heart captured everyone’s attention. He is an inspiration to us all.
I was fortunate to know Matthew and call him my friend. I was able to be a small part of his life. I can honestly say that he liked me. Whenever I saw him he would give me huge grins. When I would talk in funny voices for him, I got giggles.
Matthew taught me a lot. He taught me to give of yourself until it hurts, and then give some more. Nothing I ever did for him was enough. He deserved more, and then some after that. I didn’t see Matthew for the 1st 6 months of his life. Between conflicting schedules, sickness, vacations and life in general, things just got in the way. I spoke with Dalila all the time and got pictures, but I never got to hold him then. I will regret those 6 months for the rest of my life. I’m not laden with guilt, just enlightened. Those are 6 months I can’t ever get back, but now I realize the importance of making time - even if it means changing schedules. So thank you Matthew for teaching me that work will always be there, that the house can stay messy and that some things are just too important to miss.
With Dalila, for more than half our lives, we’ve been connected. From childhood to high school, to college to life, we’ve always had each other. That will never go away, because like a marriage, our friendship is till death do us part.
Dalila and John have each other. They have a remarkable love and friendship that nothing can part. They will survive this tragedy because of that. Their courage and strength through adversity is awe-inspiring. They have shown us all the human side of heartbreak and how not only to confront it, but also to overcome it through love.
Now it seems that God has Matthew. But not exclusively. We all still have him too. Matthew will never leave all of us that he’s touched. He’s in our hearts and our souls. Death doesn’t part us; it simply diminishes the fact that we can see him. He’ll always be with each one of us in spirit. He will always be remembered and he will always be loved. We will always have his dimples and his sparkly eyes.
So God has given me plenty in my life. God gave me my friend Dalila. Then Dalila gave me my friend John. Then together, they gave me my friend Matthew.
And I will forever be in their debt for that.