April, 2000
From Lamo to See Ya…
Yesterday I went to a concert. Not just any concert, it was a Jazz Butcher concert. The Jazz Butcher Conspiracy is a band from the 80’s out of England. A friend - my Lamo - introduced me to this awesome band and I was hooked. Unfortunately, their music is out of print, so I wasn’t able to get any CD’s. One day, my Lamo surprised me with a used copy of one of their best albums. He went combing through a used record store and came across the CD and bought it for me. Just like that.
So last month my Jazz Butcher mailing list {I know, I’m a geek} claims that the rumor is that the boys are getting the band back for a bar tour and are heading towards Chicago.
I was ecstatic! I would finally get to see and hear The Butcher live. I was beside myself. I picked up the phone to call my Lamo and then realized I couldn’t. The Lamo wasn’t my Lamo anymore.
Once upon a time I had very close male friend named Lamo. Lamo & I met over 10 years ago when I was a drink slave at a neighborhood Irish tavern. He had also worked there at one time and was a regular patron. Our friendship began one night when we found ourselves discussing the most hideous way in which we would kill someone if we could. If I remember correctly, his was with a toenail clipper, salt and Tabasco Sauce, mine was an ice pick and lemon juice. I realize how warped it sounds, but that’s what drew us together.
We were pretty close for quite a few years. Neither of us was in a relationship and we always hung out together. He was also in comedy {Improv} and I wanted to be. I went to all his shows and critiqued him. He seemed to value my opinion and would berate me constantly about joining a troop and getting my own comedy act together. I always said someday.
Then I got a boyfriend {The Dick-Boy} and he got a girlfriend. His girlfriend didn’t like me and didn’t understand the nature of our friendship. She had obviously never had a platonic Lamo of her own and did everything she could to piss me off. It worked and we grew apart. He spent all his time with his smelly, bitchy, girlfriend and I spent all mine with the dick-boy.
Fast-forward three years. My friend says she ran into someone we knew who told her that Lamo was having an Improv show. She thought we should go.
So we did and I found the Lamo again. From the second I saw him and talked to him it was as if those 3 years apart were 3 hours.
We caught up and realized that he had broken up with the smelly, bitchy, girlfriend within 1 month of when I split with the dick-boy. I had adopted the coolest dog in the world in April; he had adopted an equally cool dog during that same month. We exchanged our new phone numbers, said we’d to introduce our dogs as soon as possible and promised to keep in touch.
We did. For the next two years we were the best of friends. Again, neither of us was in a relationship so we spent an enormous amount of time together. So did our dogs – they became best friends too.
Outside of the dick-boy, I have never felt such love or had as much fun with anyone other than Lamo. Ours was never a sexual relationship; we were far too close for that. Ours was deeper. To have sex with him would have ruined it. We just had fun. We would talk about nothing for hours and hours and laugh at the stupidest things. He is quite honestly the funniest human I have ever met. His wit and humor is amazing. He gave me the courage to go into Improv and then helped me by critiquing my performances. I’d tell him when I thought he was being stupid and he’d tell me when I needed to relax on a subject.
I can be very possessive of people and I have a serious problem with jealousy. He knew that and understood it. He called me on it constantly. If I was getting out of line, he’d say, “Lamo, you’re acting like an ass”. I’d think about it and 9 times out of 10 would agree with him and change my way.
Lamo and I were perfect together when it was just us. We’d learned the hard way what other people {boyfriends or girlfriends} had done to our friendship in the past and I thought we were both comfortable with what we had. I also knew that there would come a time when someone would come between us again. However, this time, I never thought it would destroy the closeness. I figured we had both invested so much more this time that we would make sure whoever we ended up with understood our relationship. Besides which, we had swore an allegiance that we would never succumb to trappings of marriage {we both crossed our fingers}.
I can’t explain why we’re not friends anymore. I don’t know what happened. He never told me.
I remember the last time we were supposed to go out together. We were planning on going to a street festival and at the last minute he called me and said he’d meet me there. He said he was going to go with another acquaintance of ours. I was annoyed as I didn’t care for this person and gave him shit about it. He said “Lamo, you’re acting like an ass, she’s just a friend”. I thought about it for a while and called him backs few minutes later. I told him he was right, I was acting like an ass and I apologized. I told him I’d see him there and he said cool and we hung up. I never did run into him that day. Later that week when I phoned him, he never returned my calls.
I saw him again about 3 weeks later when two of our friends got married. He didn’t speak to me at the wedding or reception. He had also brought a girl - a date and avoided me like the plague.
I didn’t see him or talk to him again for almost 3 months. During that time I had phoned periodically and when those calls were never returned I finally gave up. When he showed up at my surprise 30th birthday party, I was surprised to say the least. He brought the girl from the wedding and really didn’t speak to me all that much.
The last time I spoke with him, it was 3 months after my birthday party. He called to ask me if I’d watch his dog while he and his girlfriend went away for the weekend. Almost 6 months without speaking to me and he wants me to watch his dog? No matter how much I loved that dog, I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t going to be a doormat for him, besides which I had relatives coming in to stay that particular weekend. I told him I couldn’t and he said, “Fine, see ya”.
I haven’t spoken to him since then.
Mutual friends have informed me that he recently married the girl from the wedding. It’s hard to imagine that he could marry someone and I wouldn’t be involved or even invited to the wedding. That I wouldn’t even know the girl he married.
I was never jealous of having him love someone else, I was simply afraid that someone would take him from me completely again. I was right. That’s what happened.
So I had to drag my friend L. to the Jazz Butcher concert. She ended up becoming a fan just like us. Which is cool. The Butcher rules!
I saw the Lamo at the show. Feeling gracious, L. and I smiled and waved at him. I figured I could be bigger and end whatever nonsense had happened.
He ignored us.
When I reflect on my favorite memories of the Lamo, I think about a weekend trip we took to Door County when we laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. There was a mustached woman that turned up everywhere we were. When we saw her at the local supper club, we became convinced that she was after us and had to run away. We were afraid if she ate corn on the cob in front of us that it would stick in her mustache and we would die from the laughter. On the ride back to the hotel, we had fart contests {he won} and then after 10 solid hours of drinking, we collapsed on the bed and watched Sumo Wrestling. What can I say, we are the ultimate “Lamo’s”
So now I need someone to explain to me just how do you go from being My Lamo to See Ya?