October 31, 2002
Scary Monsters and Super Slutty Creeps...No welcome mats here...
As mentioned previously, I'm waiting for my 'Cary Grant' boyfriends scary monster to pop out and scare me. It hasn't happened yet.
This guy has done NOTHING wrong so far. NOTHING!!
If anything, he's done EVERYTHING right and to the 10th power.
Who is this man and why have the Gods FINALLY shined down upon me to let me spend time with him?
I spent another amazing weekend with him. Friday we went out with some friends and Saturday was a huge Halloween party at a local pub.
As I've mentioned, he's pretty close to perfect. He's adorable - very handsome, very charming and extremely personable. Everybody likes to spend time with him. He's everybody's buddy.
So on Saturday we go to this party with a huge group of our friends. I'm dressed as Anna Nicole Smith {which isn't such a stretch for me} and he's Deputy Bernard P. Fife of the Mayberry PD. We looked good.
I can't explain how or why, but I really think we work well together and have an amazing comfort level with each other.
We walk in together, he gets me a beer, we chat for awhile with our friends as a couple {God, I love typing that!}, and then we separate. He talks to some of the boys, I move over and chat with some of the girls. Then we notice each other, I maybe smile over and him, or he winks at me, and we gravitate towards each other and so on. The evening was spent together and apart and together and apart. It was a perfect balance.
For the first time ever in a relationship, I'm not anxious when he's not standing next to me every minute. It's so strange for me because I'm not consumed with wanting to control all the moves. I'm strangely relaxed with him, because something deep inside me tells me to trust everything about him. He's this strange combination of a gentleman and a devilish bad boy that just screams good guy.
Then there was a test.
Towards the end of the evening I noticed that several girls had rather swarmed around all the boys in our group. Although I noticed them, and glanced over from time to time, something weird happened - I dismissed them and didn't get wigged out. Which is very unusual for me because I tend to be extremely jealous by nature. It seemed that every time I looked over - T would already be looking at me smiling. I'd smile back at him while my stomach was doing cartwheels, thinking about how cute he is.
Then I went to the loo. As some friends and I stood in line, 2 of the girls that had been swarming around our boys came in. 1 girl said very loudly to her friend that "she had just been dismissed by one of the guys they'd been talking to". The other friend asked what happened. Girl #1 (also known as Slut Girl #1) said, "Well, the guy I've been talking to, you know - the cute one with the goatee", {Immediately my ears perked up - as MY guy is THE guy with the goatee}, "Well", she said, "I'm standing there talking all this time to him, thinking that this could go somewhere and then he says to me he's got a girlfriend! Can you believe it?".
Uhhhmmm, yes I can believe it slut girl - I'm his girlfriend {God, I love typing that!}. So now, obviously, I'm practically staring a whole in her head. I feel as though I might smack her head several times into the sink.
"Well, what did you say?, said Girl #2
"Well, I tried to blow it off and then he said he's here with her tonight. So, whatever. I mean - I'd love to get a look at her though".
It was now my turn to go into a stall. I was shaking.
I couldn't believe my luck. Here is this slutty girl, standing in a bathroom talking about my new boyfriend and confirming the fact that:
a. He is cute
b. He is charming
c. He is MINE!
He talked to her. He probably made her laugh. I have no idea what they talked about and quite honestly; I don't really want to know. All I know is that when she hit on him, he told her he had a girlfriend. That's all I need to know.
I've had some bad experiences in my life. Cheating has been a MAJOR thorn in my side. I cannot nor will I EVER put up with it. Cheating is my worst nightmare. It's what I'm most scared of.
He didn't do anything. He didn't lead her on or lie to her. He told her he has a girlfriend.
It's only been a month. Although it's been an amazing month, and we've moved our status to 'dating', he's still never told me that it's exclusive or that he only wants to see me.
Now, for me, I don't need to tell him that it's exclusive. I wouldn't see anybody else - it's just not in my nature. I believe in 1 person at a time, because I can't juggle feelings, whether they're lust or like or love. But I wouldn't push him into that, because that's a decision for him to make and he'll do it when he's ready. Which is fine for me.
When I left the bathroom, I walked over to him and asked him if a girl had just hit on him. He smirked at me and said Nope. Then he said something like why would I look or notice anyone else - I'm with a celebrity tonight - that's what I want.
I can't believe my luck.
The next day I told him the whole story - about the bathroom Slutty Girl. He said he didn't really think she hit on him, and basically he just 'mentioned' that he had a girlfriend.
He looked at me and said, "You know I like to talk, but that's it. I'd never do that to you".
Normally, the old Fizgig would smile, nod and then feel sick to her stomach, knowing with dread that one day he would cheat, because they all do. The old Fizgig would obsess and find a reason to end it before he did, so I could spare myself the pain of him leaving me.
This new Fizgig that I've become since being with him simply looked at him, smiled and kissed him, recognizing her good fortune. The new Fizgig knows in her heart that he wouldn't do that. She knows that for the first time in her life she's met a man that is decent and honest and kind. If, {god forbid} it doesn't work out with us, I know he'll be honest with me and there'll be no lies or scamming. It'll simply be what it will be. The new Fizgig didn't feel anything in her stomach except butterflies, for a guy that she's crazy about.
What blows me away is that he doesn't think he did anything special. Like all the wonderful things he's done for me since we've been together, he's just being himself.
There is no act. There is no game. He is just a good man.
I'm really, really starting to believe that no scary monster lives in his house.
But of course, I'm still taking it one day at a time....