June 1, 2003
As I’ve mentioned, T & I have our differences. Some might say that we even have many qualities that are exactly opposite.
But as I’ve said, I think that our differences compliment each other nicely. We balance each other out accordingly and accept the variations that arise on occasion.
What’s happening though is that we’re learning a lot from each other the more time we spend together.
I don’t ask him to go shopping with me and he doesn’t expect me to watch ‘Jackass’ with him.
He’s opening up more and I’ve learned to be a tad more reserved – which is a good thing. I’ve also realized and accepted his need for quiet time and he understands and complies with my need to talk things out.
One thing though that we haven’t done yet, and I’m proud to say we probably won’t ever do – is completely change our personalities to suit the other.
There are no chameleons in this relationship.
You know what I mean – the kind of person that adapts to whatever is happening around them. To some certain extent – I think we are all capable of tiny chameleon-like tendencies, but what I’m talking about here is the person that completely changes themselves in order to appear perfect for someone else.
In the many months we’ve been together – T has seen the real me. I haven’t hid anything from him. I’ve never claimed to be perfect, nor has he. We show each other our imperfections because that’s what life is about. Life isn’t always wrapped up in bows and ribbons. Sometimes it’s messy and cracked.
When and if he falls in love with me, I want it to be me that he loves, not someone I’ve made up in order to get him to love me. If I don’t mislead him about who and what I am, then I’ll know that it’s the real me that he wants – hairy legs and all.
To often in life, people think that in order for a relationship to work – it has to be picture perfect. I think the exact opposite. Once you learn about the human frailties that are bound to exist within each other - then you can decide whether or not you can live with them.
I ’ve seen so many people around me pretend to be someone they’re not in order for the person they’re with to love or want them more.
Unfortunately, I’ve also seen those peoples relationships crash and burn because they were based on fabrication. What do you suppose happens when one morning you wake up and see that everything you thought for weeks, months or even years was a lie?
I actually know a girl that pretended to love oral sex, only to tell her husband, after they were married of course, that she despised it and wouldn’t ever do it again. On the other side, I’ve also known a man that within months of marrying one of my girlfriends, told her that either she give up her pet cat, or he’d leave her. They dated 4 years prior to their marriage, during which he never once gave her any indication that he didn’t like or want the cat. They ended up divorcing.
To pretend to be perfect or even believe in something that you don’t for a mate will only create problems in the end.
Nathaniel Hawthorn once said, "No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true".
Be who you are. Be proud of it. If you realize there’s something about you that needs to be changed – then work on it. But don’t change or pretend to be something that you’re not.
Each passing day and week brings new obstacles for T and I. We’re learning more and more about each other’s likes, dislikes, moods, wants and needs. Sometimes it’s not always pleasant. Sometimes it’s not always easy. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been smacked in the face with our differences.
I realize that it might be simpler for me to pretend that I was the biggest Dallas Cowboy fan or that I wanted to watch ESPN every waking moment. I’m sure he could pretend that he wanted to go to Italy with me to shop for shoes.
But we don’t. He knows I prefer the Bears and HBO and I know he'd rather be scraped off the sidewalk then sit while I tried on strappy Bruno Magli's.
Diversity and honesty is what makes us work. Compromise makes up the rest.
We’re going to take our time to learn the truth. We're always going to tell the truth.
The whole truth and nothing but the truth – so help us God.
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