February 16, 2003
The Fizgig's Feeble Attempt at Romance...
Friday was Valentine's Day and I thought I'd try my hand at Romance.
As I believe I've mentioned in the past, I'm not very good at the whole romance thing. Before T, I've never really been in a relationship with a person that was romantic.
I'm typically more aggressive by nature. Lovey things never did anything for me in the past, but the longer I'm with T, the more I'm trying and I was hoping, the better I was getting. It's been hard.
So as this was my first V-Day with my fella, I wanted it to be special. My plan was to prepare a dinner in for us and have a nice quiet night.
So I stopped on the way home and got some fried shrimp, one of his favorites. I had red lights up, lit every candle in my house and set up a small table in the living room. I put music on and dressed in a black lace teddy-like top, black silk pants and 4-inch black satin stiletto mules.
Sounds good - right?
I fail.
I am a dork.
I should never attempt things so against my nature.
Even though I had many candles lit, the house was still fairly dark. As I was rushing about, doing last minute preparations, I whizzed past my bookshelf in the entry room. I didn't notice that the cards that were lined up on the bookcase had moved. But they did, and just enough to hit the candles nearby and catch on fire.
I didn't see anything, because I was busy preparing things in the kitchen. Then I smelled something burning.
I rushed into the entry room and saw 2 cards in flames on top of my new bookcase. I panicked and ran towards them. The flames were about 5 inches high and starting to reach the wicker basket filled with mail on the bookcase. I had nothing in my hands to put out the flames, but I knew I had to act fast or that wicker basket was going to go up next.
So I grabbed the burning cards and threw it on my floor, thinking I could step on them.
Good idea right?
Wrong.
First mistake - Although it did work and I was able to stomp out the burning cards - keep in mind that I was wearing 4 inch - open toed stiletto's. Let's just say that flames flicking at your painted toes isn't fun. Also, those shoes are only good for one thing and stomping about isn't one of them.
Second mistake - I threw it on carpet. As I got the flames out, the embers of the paper spread out. I quickly stomped on them as well. So now, my carpet is completely singed. It's brown with beautiful black flecks of burn.
Meanwhile, remember how I hadn't noticed the burning because I was in the kitchen? Well, after I got the blaze under control, I looked around and noticed that neither of my dogs appeared to be anywhere nearby.
Well that's because both dogs were in the kitchen, eating the bowl of fried potato's that I'd just lifted off the stove. They'd already eaten the entire plate of salami, cheese and crackers I had. Quite honestly, if I hadn't walked in when I did, they might've gotten the shrimp. However, it was still inside the oven, but as I had left the oven door open when I ran out, they could have easily stuck their big selfish heads in there and gobbled it up. I hold no illusions that since they were finished with the rest of the food, that would have definitely been their next stop.
So by the time T got there, my house smelled like the inside of an ashtray, my toes hurt, and all I had to serve him was shrimp and mozzarella sticks for our first V-Day dinner together.
Of course, as expected, he was a total sweetheart and we made the rest of the evening wonderful.
But it appears I am the Anti-Christ of Romance.
At least my dogs bellies were full.
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