October 15, 2002
Concentration Kills...
What is it about a new liaison that creates an immediate case of Attention Deficit Disorder?
The Fizgig has entered into a 'hanging out' gig with a man. I can't answer questions about what I'm doing or where it's going because I honestly don't know. All I know is that I like him, I'm having fun and he's unbelievably nice. Nicer than anyone I've ever been with before. I think it also helps that we've been friends for years and this just sort of happened. It wasn't planned, it wasn't discussed, it just was. One day he was simply my buddy, then the next hour he was perfecting the standing spoon with me while kissing the back of my neck. Then 2 weeks after that, the bar kiss.
It's only been a month, but so
far – so good.
I planned on not getting
‘jacked up’ about him. I
planned on playing it cool, having an easy – breezy attitude about whatever
was happening. I planned on taking
it one day at a time. I planned on
NOT thinking about him as anything other than a cool buddy that I would
occasionally kiss.
Why do I even try to plan?
Because now, 1 month – ONLY
1 month - into this and I’m experiencing ‘ADD’ on a regular basis.
I can’t get thru a day without thinking about something nice that
he’s done for me. I’ve actually found myself staring into space, wondering
when I’ll be talking to him next or trying to figure out what he's thinking
about this situation we're in. Besides
that, I’m making plans that include him almost 3 weeks into the future.
That's almost a month!! I've never been as bold as that before!
What am I
doing????????????????????????
Don't get me wrong, I'm still taking it one day at a time. I'm still playing it cool. However, truth be told, I'm a wee jacked up and although I still see him as my buddy, I recognize his potential to be more.
What's driving me crazy are
the fundamental difference
between men and women. We women cannot stop thinking and men can simply turn it off
and on like a light switch. Women have some gene that makes us obsess about relationships
and analyze every nuance of every word, every kiss, every touch.
We simply can’t help it.
I can almost guarantee that he
didn’t think about me once during his weekly basketball game with the guys.
I can almost guarantee that while he was compiling a report at work, his
eyes didn’t glaze over and his belly didn’t flip at the thought of one of
our kisses. And I can be almost certain
that he's not thinking beyond what we're doing next weekend. WHY?
Why, even when I have
something else far more pressing to think about, can’t I stop myself?
Why does nothing else matter, other than talking to him, become the most
important thing in the world? Why am I plagued with questions at 4 in the
morning about what his favorite childhood cartoon was and whether or not he
knows the correct way to fry bacon and eggs?
I’m
not quite thinking about marriage or children yet with this guy, because I’m
not quite in love
yet. Please - I'm not that wacky - I
won't jump that far ahead this soon. But the truth is that I’m
in ‘like’. I enjoy
spending time with him. The ‘touch
of his hand behind closed doors’ is good. His
personality, values & humor fits into line with mine.
I can talk to him about anything and he makes me laugh. He's got a small streak of 'Bad Boy' that I find both amusing and
controllable. Most of all he's got a tenderness about him that I've never
quite experienced before. He’s simply good.
So here I sit writing an essay
about him at 4:45 in the morning, because I’m insane.
I’m working on it. Really I am.
Kfizgig
Home Page