Good times ahead – interrupted… April 2002
My last essay was written in February, commenting that I needed a fresh start after having a pretty horrible last year & a half. I was looking forward to the good times ahead, but I was blindsided. On April 15th it went from bad to worse.
It looked to be a typical Monday morning in my eyes. I was tired after the weekend and had a hard time getting ready for work. I managed to make it to my daily White Hen Stop, where I got my 24 oz. of House Blend and made in on time with even 5 minutes to spare.
At 8 a.m. I noticed that J, aka 'Seuss', my co-worker and friend {our companies Office Manager} wasn’t in yet. I asked another co-worker ‘D’ if she had heard from him and she responded no. Then I remembered that he was going to the Chicago White Sox game the previous day, so I then assumed that he was simply sleeping in.
At 9 a.m. when he still hadn’t shown, I looked out at D and said I was getting worried. “He’s NEVER this late without phoning”. She agreed, and offered that maybe he was stuck in traffic and forgot his cell phone.
9:12 a.m. the phone rang. It was V, J’s girlfriend calling for me. I answered the phone by saying, “Hey V, Uh-Oh, he must really be in a jam”.
She started crying. “Karen, I don’t know what to say. He’s gone”.
“Gone?” I replied, “What do you mean, gone? Did he go somewhere?”
At first she couldn’t speak, then she said very quietly, “He’s dead”.
I felt a chill, my stomach ached, my head was exploding. I think I started to feel faint. I said, way too loudly, “What? V, that can’t be right. NO!! Now where is he, what’s going on?”
“He is. I don’t know how to tell you, but he is. He was killed by someone. Stabbed. I don’t know all the details, but the surgeons worked on him for hours and they couldn’t save him”.
At this point several of my co-workers came in to my office. They crowded around me and tried asking questions. I shooed them away as I listened to V tell me what she knew.
I was speechless. I was in a dream world. A tear wouldn’t form in my eye, I felt empty and alone, with only a scream inside looming on the horizon. Not J! Not my buddy! NOT my right hand! No, this had to be a mistake. This simply CANNOT be right!
V had to hang up, as she had many more calls to make. I told her I’d phone her later and we’d talk more.
As I set the phone down, I looked at my co-workers standing in my office.
All I could manage was, “He’s gone, our Seuss is gone”. I slumped in my chair, put my head on my desk and began to sob.
J worked for me, because as I am the Systems Controller, I oversee all the administrative, purchasing and supervisory tasks that he was responsible for. I knew I’d have the daunting task to tell my entire company, as well as any vendors or customers he was in contact with.
Within that first hour, there was a knock at the front door. J’s first appointment for the day was there. I explained with a trembling voice that he wouldn’t be able to make it. They asked why, and could they reschedule. Then I had to say it out loud to strangers. “No, sorry, he’s dead”.
I can't handle all this death. I can't possibly take any more of this pain. I can't grieve again. I need a break from all this heartache.
Someone's got to make this stop.