September 25, 2000
Waiting and Shaking for Lloyd...
Last week I
had a conversation with the Dick-Boy. During
the course of the conversation we did what we typically do – which is quote
our favorite movies. Now, this is
not unusual, as many people do this. But
we do it in extremes. Most people
my age do.
I’m 31 – almost (gulp) 32. I grew up in a television & movie era. I can name almost any television show that was on the air from about 1970 until now. I can quote almost all dialogue from ANY John Hughes movies and can more often than not name a movie within the 1st 60 seconds of the opening credits. I can also name every episode of the Brady Bunch with just the opening music and 1 glance at the 1st scene. Where is the version of “Who wants to be a millionaire” for that?
I read TV Guide with curiosity – the way others might read Newsweek. The best issues are the ones that just came out – “Returning Favorites” and “New Shows”. Now I should mention that now, since about the last 5 years or so - I’ve become a television snob. Prior to that I used to watch everything – now I very rarely watch new television shows. I just like to read about them and then decide I won’t watch them.
Of course I do watch television – however I’m very selective. I’m completely addicted (as anyone that knows me knows) to the Soprano’s and Sex in the City. I also watch OZ with an uneasiness that I find hard to understand. Some of it is too graphic for me, but I can’t look away. I do cover my eyes a lot though! HBO and cable in general is wonderful. They program for adults – which is what I like. I love the documentary series “America Undercover”. I love to watch about the lives of Gang-Bangers; Crack Whores; Extremists and G-String Divas. I will never be one of them, I don’t know any of them and I am completely fascinated that they actually exist. These are real people and they scare me. Besides which I prefer cable because they don’t usually have any form of a laugh track. I don’t want or need a laugh track telling me a joke is funny. I’m secure enough in my humor to know when to laugh and the noise of those stupid, fake people guffawing just annoys me.
There are some network shows that I do enjoy – 'Friends' ( I know, so sue me – but Phoebe just kills me and Joey? How you doing?); 'Just Shoot Me' {how could anyone not love Nina); 'The Simpson's' and 'Malcolm in the Middle' (an exception I HAD to make - that mom is awesome!) . But for the most part, I get angered by the networks. Take ‘Freaks and Geeks’ for example. Cool, awesome show. A new show last year that I HAD to watch and what did they do? They cancelled it. How can 'Veronica’s Closet' run for 3 years or more and 'Freaks and Geeks' not make it? Stupid, stupid people.
So movies and cable is what floats my boat. Growing up in the 80’s is what molded me into the walking, talking John Hughes machine that I am. Sixteen Candles is his best….
“Look Fred, she’s gotten her boobies. And they’re so perky”.
“Unbelievable, you make someone a bridesmaid and they shit all over you”.
“Fully-aged-prime sophomore meat dude”.
“JAAAAAKKKKKEEEEEEE”
“Dong, where is my automobile?”
“Automobile? Lake…Big Lake!!”
"Last night my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear".
What chick hasn’t wanted to be Samantha – waiting for Jake Ryan to sit with her on a table – telling her to make a wish?
We had the best – worst? – slasher movies. Friday the 13th ; Nightmare of Elm street; Children of the Corn. Who hasn’t dreamt 1,2 Freddy’s coming for you?
Long before Cameron Crowe got famous for Jerry Macguire, he made one of the best movies ever, ‘Say Anything’. It starred Chicago’s own – John Cusak (one of my most fav’s) – and again, some of the best lines ever.
“Joe Lies. Joe Lies. Joe lies when he cry’s”.
“It’s Lloyd. Would you date Lloyd Daubler?
“Yeah. Yeah, I’d date Lloyd.”
“Do? Uhmm do? Well, I want to spend time with your daughter, sir”
“I hereby surrender my duties as Key master. Now give me a beer”.
“Ever hear of Kick boxing? It’s the sport of the future”.
I feel sorry for kids today. They don’t have what we did. They don’t have characters to identify with. People in our day looked like Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall, they didn’t look like Freddie Prinze and that Jennifer Love girl. Our characters talked about making out and sex was sacred, reserved only for the love of your life. Nowadays, they’re doing it when they’re 12 and usually with baked goods.
So I’ll keep watching reruns of Facts of Life on Nickelodeon, Seinfeld in syndication and keep my boycott of most of the new network shows running.
Meanwhile, just so you know - I’m just bidding my time waiting for Lloyd Daubler to stand in front of my bedroom window, a radio in his hands raised above his head, Peter Gabriel blasting, with his heart pounding and his body shaking because he loves me so much.