September 27, 2000
REBUTTAL TO THE CODE
Now
Fizgig, you’re my very special Vata
and I don’t mean any disrespect.
I value your opinions & essays.
However, you have this “Code” thing all wrong!
My analysis is done under the assumption that The Code applies to
girlfriends – from one girlfriend to another.
I
don’t have problem with the creation of a “Code”, but any codification
must be succinct in order to be effective.
Codes of behavior are a good thing amongst friends.
They define the relationship between what you can get away with and what
you cannot. Lines
are drawn on actions/behaviors.
Deviation from these lines can label you a “bitch” or an “idiot”
– depending on the circumstances.
But The Code in its current form severely restricts the Dating Pool from
which your friends can imbibe and enjoy.
Therefore, application of The Code needs to be revised.
I
hate to sound like a lawyer here – but your current definition is overbroad.
Legally speaking, your Code applies to any male with whom you have had
any contact! By
your definition, any guys you’ve had contact with (including romantic &
platonic) in the past, present or future are forbidden!
That’s unreasonable in the Wonderful World of Dating.
I offer a critical analysis and an outline for Code Revised.
Ex-boyfriends are fair game
“No
woman, at any time, shall covet a friend’s old boyfriend . . .
.”
What’s
wrong with dating a friend’s old boyfriend??
Nothing! Now this principle
is set upon the fact that the friend is no longer pining away for the
ex-boyfriend. Assuming the first
friend has effectively moved on, then the guy is open to the Dating Pool.
Assuming
the breakup is officially “over”, then ex-boyfriends have been thrown back
into a dating pool for all single girls to choose from. Any single girl can now date him. The fact that your friends may have “inside information”
about your ex-boyfriend does not exclude a friend from subsequently dating him.
Consider this, a friend who chooses to date a friend’s ex-boyfriend has
more knowledge and is better informed.
A
legal term for this is Caveat Emptor.
In layman’s terms, this essentially means “Buyer Beware”.
If your friend chooses to torment herself with the lying, cheating, and
general shitty behavior of your ex-boyfriend – well, that’s her choice.
Your ex-boyfriend may break her heart.
Or, your ex-boyfriend may have met the woman who will gladly wash the
brown skreech marks out of his underwear.
One
woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure under the Revised Code.
Current
boyfriends are restricted from the Dating Pool.
That’s a fact. However,
harmless flirting is okay. We all
like to flirt. I want my friends to
like my boyfriend. If the pair
engages in a little harmless flirting, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Yet, some people equate flirting with coveting.
Let’s be real here -- check your jealousy at the door.
However,
outright cheating is just plain wrong. That’s
the kind of stuff that makes me visit a very special bookstore in Melrose.
The perfect place to find a Santaria curse.
Flirting is okay under the Revised Code. Outright cheating is WRONG!
Ben
Affleck
“No
woman, at any time, shall covet a friend’s
. . . . object of desire . .
. .”
I’m
torn on this one. If a friend
consciously knows of another friend’s desire to “have” a guy – then she
should keep her hands off. However,
sometimes a friend fails to effectively manifest her intent to hook up with a
specific “object of desire”.
If
the intent has not been manifested to her friends, then how are the friends to
know? It’s not what is in the
friend’s subjective mind that counts. We
cannot purport to know what is in another person’s mind.
Which
brings me to another point, how many “objects of desire” can a girl have?
To illustrate the point effectively, I’ll use a hypothetical.
You
are currently lusting after four guys.
Their names are:
Dick-Boy, Curly, The Irish Prince & Ben Affleck (yes, THE Ben Affleck).
They are your objects of desire.
Similarly, I’m aware that they are your objects of desire.
I , too, happen to lust after Ben Affleck, but only Ben.
So one day, I’m blading down the Strand when I bump into Ben.
We hit it off.
He can’t resist me.
We hook up.
Just one night.
That’s it.
For unlawful carnal knowledge and all the other good stuff that goes
along with it.
Have
I violated The Code? Hell no.
You desired too many. I
desired only one. I got my chance
& jumped on it. Are you
jealous? Probably so. I
should not be banned from your circle of friends for violating The Code.
But rather, I should share the experience with you & tell all
details! I deserve to hear “You
GO Girl!” (If I was smart &
conniving, I would have gotten the whole event hidden video!!)
No
hoarding should be allowed under the Revised Code.
You can have only ONE Object of Desire at a time and you must make it known
to your friends.
“No
woman, at any time, shall covet a friend’s
. . . . platonic friend.”
I
disagree here too. A girlfriend’s
Dating Pool should include all of her friend’s platonic male friends!
How is one supposed to weed out the geeks!!
Weeding out geeks requires effort. Lord
knows, us chicks need all the help we can get.
This is where friends come in. If
a friend thinks a guy is a dope, she’ll let you know.
If she thinks he’s a good guy, she needs to let you know that too. It works both ways. We
all know that the best way o meet a guy is to be set up by a friend.
Who knows you better than a friend?
No one.
Case
in point, I went out on a blind date last Thursday night.
The guy is a platonic friend of my friend Natalie.
We met & hit it off. After
many beers, we made our way out to the parking lot so we could smooch like
teenagers. Come to find out,
Natalie used to date the guy – not more than a year ago.
Not really date the guy. She
just hung out with him for the sex. As
I found out after sharing a few cocktails with Natalie the following evening,
she confessed that he is “worthy”. She
told me I wouldn’t be disappointed if I chose to go further with the guy.
Now, that’s info I need to know! What
a better source than from a friend!!
Note:
this is also the same friend that set me up with a 28-year old virgin a
couple of months ago. She thought I might like to “break him in”.
I passed. For the Psych
majors out there . . . .does the term “Arrested Development” mean anything
to you?
Under
the Revised Code, if you have a platonic male friend whom you think I will like
(& vice versa) you are obligated
to make that connection.
No Application to ALL
Women
I
do not advocate the application of The Code to all women.
Codes of behavior should only apply to people who have already
established a relationship. Definitions of acceptable behavior amongst women, in general,
are inappropriate. There are just
too many stupid people out there – they get what they deserve. If your boyfriend is behaving badly, then it is his fault.
It is not the fault of the dingbat that chose to hook up with him –
knowing that he had a girlfriend.
For
example, a few years ago, I met a guy at work.
I was cautious to go out with him because we worked closely together.
One day, I took the chance when he asked for my phone number.
We made arrangements to go out the following Saturday night. That Saturday afternoon, I received a phone call from a girl
I did not know. The conversation
went something as follows:
“Do
you know Chris?”
“Yes.”
“Are
you going out with him tonight?”
“Yes.
Who is this?”
“This
is his girlfriend. I live with him.
You’re not going out with him, are you?”
“Of course I am.”
“How
could you? How could you do this to
another woman?”
“Don’t ask me how I could do this to
you. I don’t know you. Ask your boyfriend why HE
wanted MY phone number.
Ask your boyfriend why HE asked ME out.
Ask your boyfriend why HE is deceiving YOU.”
“I
can’t believe you’re going to go out with him!”
“Oh,” I said, “It’s not only me.
But my twin sister is going too. We’re
both going to fuck him.” (now,
that part was a lie – I just said that to fuck with her head)