September 27, 2000
The best part of website debate is that I get the final say since this is the ‘Fizgig’ site, rather than the ‘Tall, Pretty, Leggy Chica from L.A.’ site!
I have read the rebuttal with great interest and I admire my LA Chica for her insight into the world of codes…
HOWEVER…
I must point out that I am not a lawyer. I am merely a chick, who put in very simple terms a code, which I believe all women should follow.
In reading the code, I believe that LA Chica missed several points that I made. I think perhaps her analysis into the straightforward words I had written was due to the fact that she is in the legal profession and therefore it is in her nature to pick apart and argue the simplest of facts.
The code explicitly states that Ex-boyfriends are fair game as long as your friend DOES NOT OBJECT! See: An amendment to “The Code”:
One friend, at any time, may give permission to another friend to covet said old boyfriend; new boyfriend; object of desire (lust or love) or even platonic friend, but can, at any time, revoke that permission and be angry for no reason. The guilty girlfriend must, at once, drop any and all contact with the coveted old boyfriend; new boyfriend; object of desire (lust or love) or even platonic friend and never question her friend’s jealousy.
LA Chica believes that as long the breakup is officially over, the ex-boyfriend is returned to the dating pool. I agree. However, he is not returned into the dating pool for a friend – unless the 1st girlfriend {friend} agrees.
When I was younger, many of my friends and I would be with the same boys. BUT we were teenagers and those were NOT relationships. As an adult, I think it would be MOST weird to be with a man that was in a relationship especially if he had broken my friend’s heart (assuming that he did – which most of them do).
So, NO revised code needed because according to the amendment…‘One woman’s trash CAN BE another woman’s treasure’ AS LONG AS the 1st friend agrees…under the ORIGINAL Code.
I have to disagree with the LA Chica. Some forms of flirting are harmless; others are a disaster waiting to happen!! I will agree that everyone likes to flirt and I also agree that I would LOVE to have all of my friends like my boyfriend, however, that does not mean that I want to see you flirt with him IN ANY WAY, SHAPE or FORM! I can and will not check my jealousy at the door. If you are my friend, you should be able to talk to my boyfriend and enjoy his company without feeling the need to flirt with him.
The forms of flirting are endless. For example, I am extremely close to many of my friend’s husbands and I do, from time to time, exchange sexual innuendos with them that could be construed as “Flirting”. These exchanges are usually in regards to something with their wives {my touchstones} and these would NEVER lead to anything. They are words being traded, with nothing more. I do not usually have these sorts of chats with my friends’ NEW boyfriends, because they might not know me all that well and misinterpret my idle chitchat. Once I get to know them and/or he becomes a husband of one of my touchstones, he also becomes one of my friends. If I feel comfortable enough with him, then I include him in my teasing and/or mockery.
Which leads me to the kind of flirting where one might bat your eyelashes, run your tongue across your lips and perhaps rub a leg. THAT IS STRICTLY OFF LIMITS!! I think it is inappropriate to engage in flirting of this form with ANYONE that you are not about to follow through with. Once the boyfriend/husband becomes MY friend, I look at flirting as follows: Could or would I EVER flirt like that with my girlfriend? If the answer is no, then why would I want to do it with her boyfriend or husband?
So,
flirting must be clearly DEFINED before it is accepted…under the Revised Code.
Now Chica, you are pulling at straws here. Ben Affleck? No problem. Any person that I have no chance with is fair game! I am NOT talking about an object of desire like that!! You have my permission to go with ANYONE that I be am smitten by, but don’t know OR would not have a likely chance of being with. Mel Gibson? Please by all means – SCREW his brains out - then tell me about it and I will high five you AND ask to WATCH the video!! Let’s be realistic…I’m a spoiled, jealous girl, but I’m NOT cruel.
As far as the Irish Prince, Curly or the Dick-Boy are concerned, STAY AWAY!! They were a part of me, and whether I have given them up or not should be of NO consequence to you. What you were referring to was PAST desire {except for Curly – see Curly Rebounds} and UNLESS I agree to LET you date one of them – they SHOULD be considered OFF LIMITS to you!
Now in terms of a stranger that I simply fancy, everyone is fair game until something happens. HOWEVER, if I saw him first then I think the fair thing to do would be to wait and see if something can or would transpire. If I coward out, then by all means go in for the kill. But I think it’s nice to ask first. Common courtesy if you will.
So, the "PAST" {Irish Prince, Curly or the Dick-Boy} is PAST and off limits. The "Unattainable" {Ben Affleck, Mel Gibson, etc.} is up for grabs and the "Unknown" is courtesy rules…. under the Revised Code.
Again, I'm thinking that the LA Chica simply missed what I wrote…
The code explicitly states that Platonic Friends are fair game as long as your friend DOES NOT OBJECT!
I agree that if you have a platonic friend that you think would be good for a friend, BY ALL MEANS, share him!! BUT, if after they connect and it becomes strange for the 1st friend - DEPENDING on the circumstances – she should agree to follow her friend’s wishes. This will NOT always apply, but a man should NEVER come between two friends.
NO revised code needed.
This is the one I disagree the most with Chica. How can anyone – in good conscience – be with someone that you know is involved with someone else? Who cares if he’s not happy, or she treats him badly or any of the other crap they might toss out just to get laid. If he’s NOT happy, than he should LEAVE the relationship so he can be free to be with whomever he wants. That goes for BOTH men and women!! Let’s not forget the most important fact - if he were willing to cheat on her, chances are sooner or later he’ll cheat on you.
Question…in regards to your phone exchange…If that had been me (or any of your other friends) on the other end of the phone, would you have said that to me? I think I know you well enough to say that chances are probably not.
I KNOW you would NEVER deliberately hurt me or really anyone else for that matter. You are a wonderful girl and have much too kind of a soul for that. So why would it make a difference if she is a stranger? Don’t you think she’s entitled to the same courtesy you would bestow upon one of us – your friends?
I agree when you say that it’s HIS flaw – not yours. However, keep in mind that is also NOT the fault of the girl that her boyfriend or husband can’t be faithful. Nothing angers me more than when I hear someone say, “Well, she obviously wasn’t satisfying him or he wouldn’t be out looking”. I'm not saying you say that, but you get my point. The plain truth is that there are some assholes out there that get their kicks from fucking different women. It’s a thrill for them to be with someone else and then go home to their wives or girlfriends and act as if nothings wrong.
It’s easy to say that it’s HIS fault – but I have to call you on the fact that YOU should have better taste than to be with someone like that – no matter how cute he is. If you REALLY want to be with him, tell him to end his relationship and then have a go at it.
I’ve had men hit on me that I later found out were married. The minute, and I mean the MINUTE, I found out, they were gone. I’m sorry Chica, but that’s the way it should be. Until they are free to be with you, legally or emotionally, they should be OFF LIMITS.
So, I WILL NOT revise the code to state that it should apply ONLY to friends. And I just ask to you to keep in mind that all of your friends (including me) started out as strangers to you.
I’m not trying to be hurtful and I’m NOT trying to be preachy, but I strictly stand by my original code. I do not think it needs to be revised too greatly, other than the few clarifications that I have made. I understand the points you made, but I myself could never follow them.
So my little Chica, you know I love you, but on this, we’ll have to agree to simply disagree. It will never change my feelings for you, because as you know, I value your friendship.
Love and Big Smooches to you as well,
Fizgig
p.s.
No need to say it, but because I am, after all, "Jealous - Spoiled Girl" ...my men (past & present) {not that you'd want any of the losers, but just in case} are OFF LIMITS!!
Always remember that I outweigh you and can kick your pretty little behind!!
Just joshing...(about the butt kicking - NOT the off-limits part!!)
Kiss...kiss!! See you for the trolley ride!!!