I was nervous as I climbed the 3 flights of stairs to the fitness studio. A greeted me, we exchanged pleasantries for no more than 30 seconds and then he said, let’s go. What? So fast? I have to start now? No pre-warm up? No pep talk? Just let’s go? What if I’m not ready? What if I make an ass of myself? Oh good GOD, what have I gotten myself into???????
First we hit the Stair Climbing Machine. He said we’d start out slow and he had me climb on and set it for 3 minutes. I was thinking piece of cake…3 minutes? I can do THAT in my sleep! At 2 minutes 30 seconds I was huffing. At 3 minutes I was flushed and beginning to sweat. He asked if I remembered my asthma inhaler. Oh, nice, 3 minutes into my routine and he thinks I’m going to collapse. Great…what an impression I’m making!
We moved on to resistance and stability. He brought out a big ball. He told me to sit on it. I laughed. “If I sit on that ball, it will pop”. He smiled, “I promise it won’t pop, just take a seat”. I sat and balanced myself.
He put me through a series of balancing techniques, designed to help my posture {which I’ve learned is KEY in physical fitness}. I was to balance on the ball and lift one leg at a time until I was able to steady myself without tipping over. I have to say, it’s MUCH harder than it seems. Once I seemingly mastered that, he put a resistance band around his body and we began to do various resistance exercises using my arms. We worked on my triceps, biceps, shoulders, etc… Then he had me walk myself down the ball, so that my hips were practically on the floor and my head and shoulders rested against the ball. Then he had me do butt lifts. 12, 10 then 8. Then as I walked back up the ball, I was to do 10 AB crunches. Have you seen my stomach? An AB Crunch? No way, no how!! I managed but I was exhausted.
With 5 minutes to go, A said he’d stretch me out. He had me lay on a mat and he proceeded to stretch my ham strings. I should say that I’m extremely flexible for a fat chick. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad thing, but I just am. After my ham strings were done, he stood above me, and spread my legs, bending my knees so that they touched my chest as he practically layed on top of me. He told me to tell him when I felt the burn. I felt nothing. He was like, now? Nope, sorry. Oh great, now he thinks I’m a big whore. V’s brother thinks I’m a big huge blob that can’t exercise, but appears to feel quite comfortable having her legs spread open with no apparent pain. Wonderful. Can't wait to see him at parties.
Our 60 minutes were up. I was amazed. It passed so quickly and I was still alive, breathing and sweating like a fiend, but alive. Wheww….can’t wait until Thursday.
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