November 21, 2000
I have an uncle that I truly adore. This past week I found out he’s ailing.
Some 20 odd years ago ‘UA’ had a kidney transplant. While he was in his 40’s – his kidney’s failed completely and another of my uncles ‘D’ (one of his 9 siblings) unselfishly gave him one of his kidneys. Grandma always taught them to share – so it was no big deal to give up an organ. I remember being a child and waiting at one of the houses with my older cousins for the phone call telling us they were ok. When that call came, my cousins and I all danced around and screamed and shouted. We all talked about how strong and invincible our uncles were. It was quite a milestone back then, two brothers, one in his mid 50’s, the other in his 40’s surviving and proving that miracles can happen.
A few months ago, the uncle that gave him the kidney passed away. He was the first of my mother’s siblings to go. It was especially hard on us because of how caring and unselfish this man was. I did the eulogy for him and I thanked him for giving us the gift of life for UA. Of course, throughout the last 20 years, UA had probably thanked UD 1 million times. However, when UA stood to speak about him, he simply said, “Thanks again D, thanks again”.
Since that historic operation – his kidney seemed to be doing fine, but now it’s showing the first signs of weakness.
So this week, my beloved aunt (his wife) phoned and gave me the lowdown on his condition. As she said the term ‘donor list’ and ‘transplant doctor’ my heart sank. Another transplant? It seems impossible to believe. This can’t be happening.
My uncle and I have a unique relationship. He is uncle, father figure, friend and sparring partner all rolled in one. I’ve mentioned him in several essays because he is such an important part of my life.
For almost 5 years I was, as he likes to call it – his right arm. I worked for him in the printing industry. He was a top sales executive and I organized his business life. When he started his own division I helped him run it. He was quite honestly the best boss I’ve ever had. We didn’t have one day where we weren’t swamped with work, but we always had fun. My favorite times were when I’d drop by his office, pull up a chair and sit and talk for hours. Our philosophy was “Screw work, there‘s politics to argue about!” He would tell me stories about his youth – growing up with my mother and aunts and uncles. He taught me the printing business, inside and out. He’d argue with me about liberal vs. conservative and the virtues of organized debate. He’d give me tales about his “hell raising” gang days. My most favorite story of his was that when they would “rumble” {this was the 50’s after all} because there were so many boys fighting, in order to know who was on your side – one group would wear masking tape on their foreheads.
Because I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard - one day I organized a coo. He had come to work that morning in a violet shirt that reminded me of Tony from “West Side Story”. I got 5 of my other co-workers together and prior to our morning meeting, we all donned our foreheads with tape. As he stood at a light table waiting for us, we danced towards him singing, “When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet” snapping our fingers. We all begged him not to “get us” as we were on his side. He roared with delight. He also never wore that violet shirt again.
The best thing about those years was that he always listened when I talked. I could tell him about my problems and he’d offer advice without lecturing. I could regale him with my own hell raising drinking stories and he’d laugh because he saw a bit of himself in me. Then he’d frown and tell me not to do bad stuff…it would hurt my mom.
Our family jokes that I should have been his daughter as UA and I are more alike than different. We have the same sense of humor, the same sense of fairness and the same temper. We wear our emotions on our sleeve. You always know where you stand with either of us because we hide nothing.
Our only differences are that I am a liberal (democrat) and he is a conservative (republican). Which leads to other things – he’s a hunter; I’m opposed to hunting as a sport. He listens to Rush and Dr. Laura; I send money to organizations to ban them from the airwaves! However, we respect each other and after we have our famous knock down, drag out arguments we always smile and make up. The differences in our beliefs only brings us closer together. We enjoy the debate.
Since he resembled Elvis so much in his youth that growing up, he was and will always be Uncle Elvis to me. On top of that - his wife just happened to look like Grace Kelly, so she is Auntie Grace. As you can imagine, they were {and are} quite the handsome couple. Next year they’ll be married 40 years. They are, without a doubt, the strongest union I’ve seen. They’ve been through just about everything together and they still enjoy each other’s company tremendously. Several years ago while at a wedding I watched them dance together. The love and fun that shined while they twirled took my breath away. Knowing them makes me long for a marriage like that.
I lost my father almost 3 years ago. I still carry him in my heart and think about him daily. If and when the inevitable happens and I lose UA (which is, I hope, many, many years from now), the grief I know I will have will be impossible to bear. It will be like losing my pops all over again.
My family is strong. We can get through almost any crisis by pulling together. The love we feel for each other knows no bounds.
We are simply being called upon once again to use the 3 things that get us through most – Faith, Hope and Love.
I know we will. UA is too much of a fighter to allow this to get him down. He survived the odds for 20 years so I know that 20 more will just be a piece of cake.
Besides which, he promised to walk me down the aisle. Since we all know how that search is going – it’s really not his decision. The simple truth is that the kidney must hold out. At the rate I’m going it’s going to take at least 20 more.
So the way I look at it - seeing as it’s UD’s kidney in UA’s body, I know it’ll hold out. They won’t miss that aisle.