The Clan Reunion - From Strangers to Family in a weekend August 15,2002
Last Saturday was my family reunion. It was organized to celebrate the life and what would have been the 100th birthday of my maternal grandmother - Gramma L.
My Muzzie came from a family of 12 {2 boys died while still babies}. For the 10 surviving children - 5 boys and 5 girls, life wasn't always that easy. They were poor - very, very poor. They didn't have much, but they always had each other and the love of their mother. Sadly, their father wasn't a big part of their lives, but that didn't matter as the older brothers acted as surrogate fathers to the younger children. They were a group and they stuck together because that's what their Mama taught them. Family was important and she'd never let them forget that.
After the reunion, my cousin D said it well, "My family has been more than good to me and I'll always be grateful for my childhood. I'll always remember what my Aunts and Uncles did for me."
I second that motion.
I had an unbelievable childhood. I was loved more than I could've ever asked for. I wholeheartedly admit to also being spoiled rotten. I was the youngest girl of the original cousins until I was 13 therefore I had 13 years to be the 'Baby'. When S came along, I was happy to give up the role. It was so cool to have someone younger than me finally!
Although as an adult, I don't have a close relationship with all my relatives, and I don't always agree with them, I will never forget all that I got from them.
Because my grandmother died before I was born, my aunts & uncles filled in the void. I was taken on vacations, to movies, plays, The Ice Show, The Circus and many sporting events. I was given toys, trinkets, clothes and shoes. Most of all, I was loved.
We are a big family. From the 10 original kids, there are 24 grandchildren - 14 boys and 10 girls; 39 great-grandchildren and so far 8 great-great grandchildren.
When the 23 of us were young, we were all together. The age span between the oldest and youngest is 38 years. Some of the older ones were having babies alongside their aunts and uncles. The older ones always babysat the younger ones and then when the younger ones grew up, they babysat the older ones children.
As I grew up, I idolized all my older girl cousins - D, L, S, P, L, P, K & my sister J. I wanted to be just like them. They had cool hair, cool jeans and even cooler platform shoes. I'd brush their hair and imitate the way they talked and walked. They taught me about life.
One of my favorite memories is of the "shows" us original cousins used to put on. At Christmas, it was the birth of Jesus. Being the youngest, I was always the baby Jesus. I would sit in a laundry basket, covered with an afghan (avocado green with white daisies - it was the 70's after all) while my brothers, sister and all my cousins sat around me singing. The boys would be the Kings and the girls would be the Angels. Our parents would watch and laugh and eventually join in.
On other occasions, my aunt E would encourage me to get up on the ottoman and sing into a lighter. She loved the way I sang "Jeremiah was a bullfrog" {AKA..Doy to da word} because of my speech impediment and complete lack of knowing the proper words to sing. They would laugh so hard they would cry.
Sometimes, much to my mothers chagrin, my aunts would let me hold a cigarette (unlit of course) and sip on a cup of coffee so that I could join in their "Coffee Clutch".
My cousin K and I went to our first cubs game together when I was 2 & she was 4 and we're still going together. My boy cousins M & A would go camping with us and we'd do cannonballs in the water. I can't tell you how many summers I spent with P & L in a suburb and beg to live there because not only was I spoiled by them - but Larry Lujack lived down the street.
I honestly believe that my grandmothers death solidified the family motto of being together. When she died in 66', it brought them even closer together because they were each other's memories of her.
Sunday dinner was a norm, and holidays meant it was EVERYBODY. We'd pick a house and all would be invited. With spouses and children sometimes that meant 40 or more at one sitting.
The message in all that is simply that in those days, although there were minor squabbles, the core was the family. We were always together.
Looking back now, I wonder how we did it. How was it possible to fit that many people in one house, eating and drinking and laughing and playing? My memories are amazing. If anyone looks at pictures or movies from the past there is nothing but happiness in everyone's eyes.
Sometimes things change. With time and issues, people grew apart. Families moved away, kids grew up and squabbles turned into feuds.
I'm happy to say that everyone set those issues aside for this day. We smiled, we talked, and those that didn't want to talk to some, simply stayed apart and kept their distance, but didn't make scenes.
It was wonderful.
I'm happy to say that the weekend brought me closer to people that although family, only weeks ago were strangers. I was reintroduced to cousins that I hadn't seen since they were babies in diapers and now are in their twenties. When I hung out with my 2nd cousins that are MY age {C & G} - I couldn't believe how cool they are. I've reconnected even more with people that share my heritage.
Family traveled from Wisconsin, Washington, California, Georgia, Montana, Wyoming, Virginia & Texas to be with those of us still in Illinois. Of all the family, only about 10 couldn't be there and they were all missed terribly.
Some of us made a vow to get together more, write, e-mail or call more often, but mainly stay in each others lives. Get to know each other better. Learn about our past and think and plan our future. We decided the next reunion is in California and then Montana after that. It might just be a few of us, but we want to be together.
We joked about all of our common traits - The 'L Hand Command'; the Irish Temper; the quick wit; the blue-green eyes. These people are connected to me in so many ways, it's impossible not to tell we're related. Not only do we look alike, but we act and speak alike as well. It's pretty scary.
At the reunion, the only thing I found sad was how old we all are and how quickly time is passing. Almost all, with the exception of 5 of us, are married with children. Several of my older cousins are already grandparents. The family just continues to get bigger and all are growing up. My oldest nephew R is 16; my favorite K is starting high school and she's already planning college here in Chicago and plans on living with me! Even my youngest nephew is already almost 2! Time is speeding past and I can't catch up.
I think the worst of all was to watch my once vibrant aunts and uncles being helped out of chairs and struggling with aches and pains. That was difficult. All the Aunts were there, but two of the Uncles have passed away {as well as my own father}, with another Uncle ailing and the other tending to his ailing wife. I think of the future and know that with time, hopefully not for a long time, they'll all go and it just doesn't seem possible. Close to them now or not, the thought of losing people that had meant so much to me at one time is heartbreaking. I know how horrible it was to lose my pops and I know my cousins will all feel the same when the time comes. It doesn't matter how old you are - you feel like a lost child.
Gramma's children and their spouses molded our family. They were molded by their mother and they taught us well.
One night at a Wrigleyville pub - My 2nd cousins J, G & I were talking about all our quarrels. J laughed and said we put the FUN in dysfunctional.
We have our problems. We have our squabbles. But the truth is that most of us count on each other. Maybe not everyone, but we have our "inside clans" that we couldn't do without. Now some of us have even added to our 'inside' group.
Who knows, maybe one day, we'll all break the bad 'squabble cycle' and learn to forgive and forget the past issues that keep us apart. Maybe not.
But we'll all have that day where we came together to celebrate the life and family of a remarkable woman that gave birth to 12, raised them with love, honesty and faith and taught them all about life and how to live it.